


Through the Pain

by sherlockian4evr



Series: Ironstrange Bingo [6]
Category: Doctor Strange (2016), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Chronic Pain, Comfort, Comfort/Angst, Declarations Of Love, Established Relationship, Established Tony Stark/Stephen Strange, For power with a price, Hands, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, IronStrange Bingo 2019, M/M, Self-Sacrifice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-15
Updated: 2019-08-15
Packaged: 2020-09-01 03:01:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20251081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sherlockian4evr/pseuds/sherlockian4evr
Summary: Stephen's hands are hurting in the night as he lays in Tony's arms. He reveals the constant temptation that haunts him. He has an ongoing choice to make regarding his hands. It hurts to face that choice every day.





	Through the Pain

**Author's Note:**

> Unbetad. All mistakes are my own.
> 
> I'm taking fic requests. If you have something you would like me to write, drop me a note at sherlockian4evr@gmail.com.

Stephen lay in bed, curled in the fetal position, his hands pulled in to his chest. Silent tears leaked from his eyes from the pain in his hands. They ached almost constantly, but tonight was worse. It always was after he engaged in battle.

Stark woke, knowing instantly that something was wrong. After all, he didn’t feel his lover's body pressed against his own. “You should have woke me,” Tony said, wrapping an arm around the sorcerer's waist.

Strange shook his head. “No. It’s nothing.” The crack in his voice and the tremors that wracked his body belied that fact.

“Try pulling the other one.” Tony was all too familiar with nightmares, having more than his fair share. At first, he assumed that was what this was about, but he soon dismissed the idea. There was something else going on. He grasped one of Stephen's hands, releasing it instantly at the sharp gasp of pain that accompanied his touch. “Stephen?”

The sorcerer sat up, hanging his legs off the side of the bed. He hunched over his hands, protectively, as more tears leaked from his eyes. “I told you, it’s nothing.”

“And I could pretend to believe that, but I won’t.” Stark sat on the edge of the bed beside Stephen. “I had no idea they hurt that bad.” He longed to take the sorcerer's hands in his own and will the pain away.

“They don’t, normally.” Strange let out a shuddering sigh. “It’s always worse when I’m exhausted.” Not to mention the brief burst of hand to hand combat that had occurred during the battle.

The billionaire hugged Stephen to his side. He wanted to ask why his lover couldn’t simply heal them with his magic but knew there had to be a good reason or he would have done so long before now. He started to rise. “I’ll get some meds for you.”

“No. I can’t.” Strange shuddered. He remembered all too well how hard it had been coming off the painkillers after his multiple surgeries post-accident. He had vowed never to become dependent on them again.

“Babe…”

“Tony. I. Can't.” The sorcerer finally met Stark’s eyes, willing him to understand because he couldn’t bear to explain it.

Something in the intensity of Stephen's blue-green gaze made it click for the genius. “Hey, hey, hey. It’s alright. I understand. You don’t have to say anything.” He kissed his lover's temple tenderly. He needed to fix this. He couldn’t fix this. “Come on, lay down. You need your rest.”

Strange was glad his lover hadn’t said he needed his sleep. He was in far to much pain for that. With a soft sigh, he let himself be maneuvered back down on the bed. His hands still throbbed, but Tony’s arm snaking around his waist comforted him.

Some time later, Stephen’s voice broke the silence, barely above a whisper. “I could have them back, you know. My hands.” It was a constant temptation, one he found harder to resist than the call of pain medication. Oh, he had come to terms with the fact he would never practice medicine again, but there were so many other things that he longed to do. Most of them had to do with the man comforting him at that very moment.

He wanted to hold Tony’s hand, their fingers laced together.

He wanted to run his hands over Tony’s body, pressing firmly rather than touching him with feather-light caresses.

He wanted to open Tony up slowly, fingers pressing inside him, stroking over that bundle of nerves that would make him write with pleasure.

Stark tightened his grip on the sorcerer's waist. He knew he shouldn’t, but he had to ask. “Why haven’t you then?” He held his breath, waiting for the answer.

“I’d have to give it up. The sorcery.” Stephen flexed his fingers, the pain flaring through them. 

“I don’t understand.” Tony held the sorcerer, trying to comfort him, despite not having the full picture yet.

“To compensate for the nerve damage, I would have to channel my magic through my hands continuously. I couldn’t use it for anything else.” Strange turned over to face Tony, mindful of his hands. There were tears in his eyes.

“I’m so sorry.” The genius placed a kiss on Stephen's cheek. “It’s not fair. You shouldn’t have to make that choice.” It made his heart ache for his lover. It made him angry at the universe. “You shouldn’t have to pay that price.”

It hurt. It hurt so God damned much. It hurt to make the choice every day to not to save his hands, but Strange did it. He gave a shudder and snuggled in closer to Tony. “How could I make any other choice? The world, the multiverse needs me.”

Tony looked at his lover, understanding what he was saying, but hating it. Stephen was incredible. He was selfless. Too selfless. He reached out and wiped away Stephen's tears. “I love you. Let me take care of you”

Strange smiled through his tears. “I love you too.” He rested his head on the genius’ shoulder. “This. You holding me, listening to me is enough.” And it was. He felt better having told Tony about his hands. For the first time temptation seemed far away. His hands still hurt, but he concentrated on the feeling of Tony’s arms around him and the love that flowed through them. Sleep eventually overtook him, leaving Stark to watch over him throughout the night.

**Author's Note:**

> I read and treasure every single comment I receive, but I'm totally crap at responding to them. Please know that they fuel me. Thank you in advance.
> 
> If you want to podfic or translate this or create a drawing based on it, go for it. Just please let me know and link back to my fic.
> 
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> 
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